I bought these beauties today. I've long held a passion for vintage luggage - it is always so colorful and so much more exciting than the standard black zip-up rolling bags that are wheeled around these days. I'm hoping using luggage with a handle will also encourage me to pack lighter, as I tend to travel with five outfits for two-day trips.
More fabulous vintage finds that would make me feel so midcentury.
Unlike many people I know, I totally suck at photography. But I love the look of old cameras and would love to someday have a curio collection of them. This Kodak from 1935 is awesome.
I miss the days when phone conversations were not held in subway stations or the middle of restaurants, but when you had to sit next to a phone to use it. Conversations, I feel, were much less trivial then "Oh hey, when are you coming over? Alright bye." I suppose that's what Facebook is for, and I can't pretend I'm not at least partially addicted to my gadgets - but sometimes the idea of being less accessible is appealing, and at times like these, I wish it were 1968 and I had an aqua blue corded phone like this one.
I want antlers... Just another "rich old lady" type of thing. At least I wouldn't feel guilty about owning these, seeing as they were naturally shed.
I have wanted a motherfucking starburst clock since I was 10 and saw one on the Brady Bunch. Let's make it happen, plz.
All images courtesy of Etsy and the respective sellers.
Some current observations on aging, marriage, spawning (gross) and being fantastic:
1. I don't get why we, as a culture, congratulate people for having babies, and, furthermore, praise the attractiveness of said babies, even when they're hideous.
I guess I should get used to this, as it's going to happen for the next 20 years or so, but it seems like everyone is getting knocked up. And they all expect congrats and GIFTS for doing so.
Call me callous, but I don't think that having a man ejaculate inside of you is something worthy of a prize. I'm forced to hearken back to Garfunkel & Oates' "Pregnant Women are Smug." I know women - my best friend Melanie among them - who have had kids, and adore them, but never acted like they were better than anyone else or more special for doing so.
I think the idea of a shower weirds me out, too. It's like being at a big Christmas morning except there are no mimosas, and you don't get shit but have to watch someone else open every pair of fucking socks they get and show them around, and everyone's supposed to feign interest when all they can think about is when they're going to GET OUT OF THERE and watch football. Oh wait, I forgot, I'm the only broad who likes football, and not just because it's impressive to dudes.
I know having a child makes you less selfish, a better person, you're a mutant if you don't want one, it's your responsibility as a woman to procreate and ensure the survival of the species, blah blah blah, but I really don't care about how much your one-month-old baby shits, or how sore your breasts are because you've been pumping them all night. You probably don't care about my obsession with Lilith Fair or how I ate an entire container of Funfetti frosting last night, but at least I'm kind of ironic. And funny.
2. I am really sick of people asking me fucking stupid questions such as, "How's married life?"
THE SAME AS BEFORE, JACKASS, except now I have idiots like you asking me questions about being married because anyone under the age of 30 who is single has no idea to talk to anyone who isn't. I signed a piece of paper and said some vows, I didn't undergo a lobotomy. I'm still myself. Our relationship is basically the same. The only difference is that older men show me more respect, and older women now think it's okay to tell Seth about their husbands' sexual fetishes. And I get the whole "STFU MARRIEDS" thing. I don't think I fall in that category - I would rather drop dead than post "I love my schmoopie!" anywhere on the goddamn internet - but maybe if you talked to us about things other than our marriages, maybe we would talk about things other than our marriages.
3. I'm not going to spend five hundred trillion dollars on products to minimize my wrinkles. I don't care.
I've got a drinking problem and I don't moisturize. I don't give a shit. I haven't exactly been skating by on my looks for these past 23 years, so why bother trying to start? My teeth are not bright white, I enjoy Wendy's chicken nuggets and I win people over with my sparkling personality. That's just me.
According to the Daily Fail, "Single Ladies" was voted the best video of the decade. Let me first just say that I, being a married old hag who only listens to Oldies 103.3, only first viewed this video several days ago. Now, I know Kanye is going to come out of the shadows and start walking on my keyboard or something, but I really don't get the appeal.
Yeah, she can dance. Who gives a shit? I mean, Diana Ross (my lord and saviour) was doing this shit forty years ago, and though she didn't involve so much ass shaking, she also didn't dress like an instructor at Miss Tina's Studio of Dance.
I found this video very repetitive and lacking character. Where are all the animated cats following her up flights of stairs? What about the dudes shakily drawn in colored pencil? Watching this even made me miss the bumblebee girl from that Blind Melon video.
All of this reminded me of how little social currency music videos have anymore. The impetus to go "viral" far surpasses the desire to create unique, visually stimulating works. Since MTV is now where intellect and originality go to die, I doubt we will ever see anything like the Pop-Up Video gems of the 1990s ever again. Directors who function as artists - see Chris Cunningham - are long gone, but so are the conventions that made the majority of music videos so watchable. I used to spend hours watching these things, and now they're relegated to the far reaches of the world wide web.
I present to you: five masterpieces of music video, the way it used to be.
Meatloaf - I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)
Three words: Totally. Fucking. Epic. The only downside to this video is that it is soooooooooooo long.
Taylor Dayne - Tell It To My Heart
This is where Beyonce got it wrong. If you want to do the whole dancing-and-singing-on-a-white-background-with-accompaniment, you need to do in color, wearing bright red lipstick and you need a guy doing cartwheels in ripped jeans. Oh, and you need to move your mouth in completely ridiculous ways.
Toni Braxton - I Get So High
This video made me dream, when I was nine, about having my own apartment with an elevator and giant playing cards with which to rate various grown men. Toni is the master of weird haircuts and standing in front of blue bubble backgrounds. I have to say, this video is a great mix of storyline and frames of singing, a delicate balance that made the videos of the 90s so perfect.
Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity
Jamiroquai rules. This is what videos should be like - aesthetically interesting, kind of weird, futuristic, with a little bit of casual footwork and an underlying dark element. The only reason this isn't my favorite music video ever is that Jay Kay is really not very attractive, and they hired a fourteen-year-old ICP fan to be the stylist. I don't know which is worse - the stupid hat or the Old Navy Performance Fleece.
Cranberries - Zombie
On a more serious note, this music video has a political message - one that made most of America almost understand what was going on in Northern Ireland. It's a powerful piece of imagery that actually means something, unlike 'If you like it, you shoulda put a ring on it.' Sasha Fierce ain't got shit on Dolores O'Riordan.
